This post was from June 28, 2012…Ten days after Daddy’s death:
Tonight Mom stayed in the house with Jon, Ben, Brett, Christine and Elizabeth while Katy and I ran some LATE errands. We did not return until 10:30 pm and she had done fine and seemed to enjoy the visiting. Jon ran the vacuum which would usually really bother her but it did not faze her. She did not want to go back to the apartment with me…Jon had to come in for a bit and then escape out. She was frustrated and tried to get a “spin” going but I stayed calm and asked her how I could help. I sang all of our Jesus songs to her several times and got in bed. She sat on the end of her bed in the dark rocking back and forth.
When I asked again if she was ready for bed, she said “let me get my Daddy”…she went and turned the light on in the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet and began to talk to Daddy…”are you finished with your work…can you come here with us…just for a bit so we can tell each other that we love each other…you can use these things (pointing to his deodorant and colognes) come on.” She asked me if it was OK for him to come and stay. I told her of course I would love for him to come and stay. (while I am typing, she has come and made me come into the bathroom with her to talk to him) She seems to think I can make him come. We talked in the mirror to him. She showed me to him and told him to hurry and come so we could get finished…? I asked her if he liked me and she said “I don’t know.” I told her to tell him I loved him. “Tell him Jane loves him” so she mouthed JANE LOVES YOU into the mirror. I asked her if he talked to her and she said “Yes we have talks and talks.” I told her I knew what he would say to her…”I love you!”
I asked if she thought he wanted us to go to bed and he’d come then? (guess my mind is on sleep 1 am now) She told me no.
She’s in bathroom talking to the mirror while I type. It is very interesting. Wish I had a video camera to get this recorded. She’s talking so quietly that I can’t tell what she’s saying now. She just shut the door…”excuse me friends, I’m needing this” door shut and she’s talking to him still? I snuck over there to see what was up. She went pee all the time talking to him. And then opened the door, came out and is now back talking to him. She will not drink her sleepy tea…”I don’t need that!” I don’t tell her it is sleepy tea…just that we need to have a drink…no way. Just asked her if there was anything I could help her with and she said in a curt voice that I’ve heard many times “we’re fine…THANK YOU! “ This is the voice she would use when she decided I was the “other woman”…now we’ve been talking to him for over 30 minutes. Wondering if I can lay in bed and rest or if I should sit up?!? I may need the power to go out to get it dark.
My guess is that even though she can’t verbalize the longing for him, her spirit knows he is gone and their spirits are visiting. I’ve never been this close to death and the spirit world…makes me think all kinds of new thoughts.
She continued to talk to him. I finally got up and turned off the light by the chairs and got in bed. I would ask her if it was time for bed. “I’m so tired…need to sleep and we will go in the morning.” She stayed in bathroom until I got in bed. Then she turned off the light and closed the door. Then she opened it and talked to him back and forth 6 times. I thought to get in her bed and ask her to come to me. She did come and get in bed. Really fussing and checking the covers…being sure I was covered. I held her hand near me and she stroked my hair and face over and over. After about 5 minutes she said “come here dear” and put her arm out for me to lay my head on. I did and she patted my back with her other arm and said “It will be OK.”
Funny…that is how I held my kids when we snuggled together. I drifted off to sleep and so did she. Each time I woke up, she was quiet and still so I stayed with her on her bed. (I do not usually sleep with her as she typically touches me and talks all night when I stay that close)
*Side note: The first time Mom kept Beth here overnight when Brett and I went for our anniversary…Beth was still addicted to “the arm.” She would not nap nor sleep at bedtime without my arm under her head and wrapped around her back…comes from me ALWAYS holding her that way. She was the ONLY one of the children who I did that with…no one else was attached to anything but nursing. Anyway the next day when I got home she acted like I had greatly offended her by taking “the arm” away from her for the night. When I asked her if she had slept on Me Maw’s arm she said “Yes but it was TOO fluffy!” HA! I think Beth was almost 3 when this happened. (Aug. 5, 2001)