This is a letter I sent to family and friends after Daddy died:
Yesterday was a very sad day for all of us here...Daddy went to run errands in the afternoon and came home not feeling well.(very odd because he has always been the picture of health) Thankfully Brett was already home from work and he came out into the apartment with me to see what was up....Dad's blood sugar was very high, he was sweating and having trouble breathing...we asked if he wanted to go to the hospital and he said no he needed to restroom. Brett helped him and he vomited what he had eaten and then said he felt better. (We thought maybe he had food poisoning) He wanted to lie down but each time he reclined, he could not get enough oxygen. I asked again if I should call the ambulance and he said "yes we better check this out." I quickly called...while awaiting he was sitting on the bedside...Brett in front and me to the left side. A policeman arrived and said the ambulance had to drive from a neighboring town (10 miles) but would be here quickly. As we waited, we told Daddy how much we loved him...what an awesome man he was...I sang "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…there’s just something about that name" to him...and I told him in my head that if he could see the light, to run to it. And he did...we were holding him up as he quietly and quickly ran home to Jesus.
We have SO much to be thankful for...
He lived his life with honor and integrity...loving every person he met. He has the BEST smile of any I've ever seen!
He loved Mom with every inch of his being...devoted and faithful for 55 years.
His PhD is in family and home...he was not distracted by sports or hobbies. He worked hard to provide for us and was home loving us when not working.
Thankful for every day he shared with us here at Sonshine Acres!
SO thankful that he did not go HOME last week when we were gone on vacation.
Praising God that He allowed Brett and me to walk with him to the gates of heaven.
Thankful that he did death like he lived life...gracefully! If you know my Daddy, you know there was not one bit of drama in him. True and steady!
PS---The lead EMS man thought it was a massive heart attack from what little he saw. Mom does not understand much at this point of her Alz. We took her into the apartment after he was gone and she didn't seem to recognize him. We will be staying with her in the apartment for the near future and seeing what our new life looks like. God knows right where we are and He knows what we need...GOD IS FAITHFUL!!
Additional notes 6/23/12: After more research and talking to Dad’s Dr. we know his symptoms and the suddenness pointed more to a pulmonary embolism. He came in from running errands and was gone in less than 30 minutes.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Where have I been?
I ordered some new books! I LOVE to read but have not been doing it for a long time. My current read is "Mothering Mother" by Carol O'Dell. If you are in the trenches, caring for an Alzheimer's patient, it is a MUST read. I read to my gals as we travel in the car. I am not driving much anymore as K and C both are. I sneak in reading parts alone when I can. She writes short snippets of life with her Mother. I was charmed by the title...it made me remember how much I LOVED mothering my 7 children. AND it made me think about how I could transfer that to my experience now of caring for Mom as she UN-ages. She is now in the 2-3 year old range.
The book also made me think about how much I used to enjoy writing. I have dreamed of writing a book someday...just never thought I knew something anyone else would want to read about. So now I am back as times allows.
Since my previous post in 2010 several life-changers have occurred. First I was involved in a horse accident that resulted in many broken ribs. Suddenly, I was incapacitated and of no help to anyone for months. We quickly had a five foot high fence built around 1 acre at the back of our home. We hated the idea of being fenced in but Momma was running off up to 5 times a day and I couldn't help at all. Our "LOCK DOWN" unit has been a life and mind saver. Mom can go out her back door and walk around or come into my back door without the possibility of "escaping". We had to get used to locking and unlocking to get to the driveway or into the side and pasture gates but the safety and freedom for Mom has made it more than worth it. We have a lock on the driveway gate with letters set to L-O-R-D for fast entry and exit...the livestock gates are keyed locks.
We have only lost her once since the fence was installed. One day she was outside and I was out front working. I thought I'd not seen her at the gate in a few minutes. I asked everyone if they had seen her and no one had. RED ALERT! We all started looking...the only possible way for her to get out would have been to go through the barn into pasture and climb through livestock fencing. The minutes dragged as we searched everywhere. I grabbed my phone to dial 9-1-1 when one of the gals screamed "Here she is!" She had gotten into one of Jon's parts cars and rolled the window down. Her hands were securely on the wheel at 10 and 2...I feel sure she was driving home to "OKLAHOMA" ;)
The other life-changer was Daddy heading home to Heaven unexpectedly in June 2012. I wrote every night after he died and will cut and paste some of that in another post. We miss him so! I immediately moved into the apartment with Momma. It was a crazy time of trying to grieve as I learned all I needed to know about Mom's care and still be a wife and Mom somehow. GOD IS FAITHFUL! I tell people all the time that God has been faithful to provide ideas and encouragement each time we need it. We are on a hard part of our journey.
Now you can understand why I've been missing in action. I didn't want you to think it was the "soap operas and bon-bons" thing!!!
The book also made me think about how much I used to enjoy writing. I have dreamed of writing a book someday...just never thought I knew something anyone else would want to read about. So now I am back as times allows.
Since my previous post in 2010 several life-changers have occurred. First I was involved in a horse accident that resulted in many broken ribs. Suddenly, I was incapacitated and of no help to anyone for months. We quickly had a five foot high fence built around 1 acre at the back of our home. We hated the idea of being fenced in but Momma was running off up to 5 times a day and I couldn't help at all. Our "LOCK DOWN" unit has been a life and mind saver. Mom can go out her back door and walk around or come into my back door without the possibility of "escaping". We had to get used to locking and unlocking to get to the driveway or into the side and pasture gates but the safety and freedom for Mom has made it more than worth it. We have a lock on the driveway gate with letters set to L-O-R-D for fast entry and exit...the livestock gates are keyed locks.
We have only lost her once since the fence was installed. One day she was outside and I was out front working. I thought I'd not seen her at the gate in a few minutes. I asked everyone if they had seen her and no one had. RED ALERT! We all started looking...the only possible way for her to get out would have been to go through the barn into pasture and climb through livestock fencing. The minutes dragged as we searched everywhere. I grabbed my phone to dial 9-1-1 when one of the gals screamed "Here she is!" She had gotten into one of Jon's parts cars and rolled the window down. Her hands were securely on the wheel at 10 and 2...I feel sure she was driving home to "OKLAHOMA" ;)
The other life-changer was Daddy heading home to Heaven unexpectedly in June 2012. I wrote every night after he died and will cut and paste some of that in another post. We miss him so! I immediately moved into the apartment with Momma. It was a crazy time of trying to grieve as I learned all I needed to know about Mom's care and still be a wife and Mom somehow. GOD IS FAITHFUL! I tell people all the time that God has been faithful to provide ideas and encouragement each time we need it. We are on a hard part of our journey.
Now you can understand why I've been missing in action. I didn't want you to think it was the "soap operas and bon-bons" thing!!!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
For the Love of God
In my earliest memories as a child there is Mom singing about Jesus. I imagine that Mom has always known him, growing up in a family with strong faith. As an only child, Mom was lonely and needed a friend to be with her. She didn't have to go far to find her pretend best friend. His name was...Jesus! She sat a seat for him at the dinner table. They played dolls in the living room. She held the door open for him as they ran out to play. He went with her EVERYWHERE. Her Mother eventually became irritated by his presence at all times but she really couldn't get angry since it was Jesus!
Now He is here with us again...usually in songs. Mom doesn't sing anymore as she has lost her words. Her strong, lovely alto voice bellows out notes with no words. I had told a friend she was humming incessantly for most of the day and often far into the night. When she sat with her one day, she informed me that it was not humming..."you can't hum that loudly!" Her song of choice is "Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus. Oh by faith to trust Him more"...her mind is stuck on that phrase of notes and repeats it over and over, faster and faster, louder and louder.
It begins early in the morning and continues throughout the day and into the night. When she wakes during the night she begins again. There are NO earplugs that block the sound. One day I was telling Maggie about it and she said, "Ms. Jane you need to get some DUCT Tape"...as I had a visual of Mom's mouth taped shut, I giggled and said that wouldn't be very nice . She quickly revealed her idea "You can put one pillow on each side of your head and tape them on" HA!
I've learned to tune the music out much of the time. I can sometimes interrupt it by playing a CD and at least get her to change tunes as the CD plays. It can become nerve wracking to hear the same notes for a large part of the day. But it could be so much worse...she could be tone deaf or I often think what it would be like without Jesus as her main squeeze. She could be serenading us with "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down and pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!"
Now He is here with us again...usually in songs. Mom doesn't sing anymore as she has lost her words. Her strong, lovely alto voice bellows out notes with no words. I had told a friend she was humming incessantly for most of the day and often far into the night. When she sat with her one day, she informed me that it was not humming..."you can't hum that loudly!" Her song of choice is "Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus. Oh by faith to trust Him more"...her mind is stuck on that phrase of notes and repeats it over and over, faster and faster, louder and louder.
It begins early in the morning and continues throughout the day and into the night. When she wakes during the night she begins again. There are NO earplugs that block the sound. One day I was telling Maggie about it and she said, "Ms. Jane you need to get some DUCT Tape"...as I had a visual of Mom's mouth taped shut, I giggled and said that wouldn't be very nice . She quickly revealed her idea "You can put one pillow on each side of your head and tape them on" HA!
I've learned to tune the music out much of the time. I can sometimes interrupt it by playing a CD and at least get her to change tunes as the CD plays. It can become nerve wracking to hear the same notes for a large part of the day. But it could be so much worse...she could be tone deaf or I often think what it would be like without Jesus as her main squeeze. She could be serenading us with "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down and pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!"
Monday, May 23, 2011
Glasses
We recently went for eye appointments to get Mom and Dad new glasses. I urgently made the appointments as I noticed Mom's glasses seemed fragile. I was thinking that while she can still recognize most of the letters of the alphabet and answer questions, we had better get an eye exam. I passed over their health plan Dr. options because I knew our Dr. was patient and gentle...AND a female. Mom seems to be leary of men in some situations. Dr. Vivian was wonderful as I expected and Mom's eyes had not changed. On to get the glasses ordered...by now she was getting tired and wondering why she would need another pair of glasses. While trying on frames, she kept asking why she couldn't just keep her current glasses. They are a part of her wardrobe...she is never without them...some nights, she sleeps with them on. We were successful in getting the new glasses ordered. Last night as I cleaned her glasses, I had the thought that maybe we have purchased Mom's last pair of glasses. It's like when the children were growing up, I'd have the thought "this will be our last Christmas all together"...but now it's on the other end of the spectrum.
I am learning to enjoy the days...whatever they look like. Each night I tuck her in and kiss her forehead...I tell her of the GREAT day we've had and thank her for helping me...(even if we've had a really hard day) I tell her I love her and to dream sweetly...I pray she does!
I am learning to enjoy the days...whatever they look like. Each night I tuck her in and kiss her forehead...I tell her of the GREAT day we've had and thank her for helping me...(even if we've had a really hard day) I tell her I love her and to dream sweetly...I pray she does!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Bliss-filled day 12/7/10
I should write every day so you could see how unpredictable life can be...AND so I could share with you how blessed I am to be able to care for my Mom and Dad. Today is ONE I will freeze...most days Mom comes in and starts the day with me. I try to be in the kitchen or out with the dogs before 7...she comes out of the apartment looking for me. We feed 4 dogs and 10 cats, then start breakfast for the two-leggers(people). We have a great time working together in the kitchen...I love the company and she loves feeling useful. She can do so much with calm, gentle instructions. Praise God, I've had enough children to have a load of patience. She stayed and helped me sort through some books today before they left to do laundry at the local laundry mat. Dad enjoys the outing and they meet new people each week to visit and encourage. I call it their "Dirty Laundry Ministry"
When they returned home, it was lunch time...hoping to avoid a replay of yesterday, I encouraged Daddy to get lunch quickly and get into bed for a rest. He succeeded on both accounts and they slept for 2.5 hours. I am still trying to isolate things that could help Mom and think one could be her need for more rest. When they got up, we were down at the arena practicing the horses for Friday night's parade so they came down to watch the girls ride. She sat in the big van with me and Brett sat with Dad and visited...so good for Daddy to have Brett and vice versa. I am ever so thankful for a husband who is kind and supportive. He loves Mom and Dad like they were his own parents...and they love him dearly.
Soon it was time for dinner and Mom helped me finish it and put in the first pan of pumpkin spice cookies. We enjoyed dinner together and a visit before my family headed off to watch the Volleyball championships. Daddy headed to the apartment and she stayed to help clean the kitchen. She was so precious as she left..."Thank you for letting me help. You are such an amazing woman...so talented!" I told her I learned how to be a strong woman from her! She smiled and said, "I don't know about that"...but I do! God bless you today...be FULLY His for whatever He calls you to.
When they returned home, it was lunch time...hoping to avoid a replay of yesterday, I encouraged Daddy to get lunch quickly and get into bed for a rest. He succeeded on both accounts and they slept for 2.5 hours. I am still trying to isolate things that could help Mom and think one could be her need for more rest. When they got up, we were down at the arena practicing the horses for Friday night's parade so they came down to watch the girls ride. She sat in the big van with me and Brett sat with Dad and visited...so good for Daddy to have Brett and vice versa. I am ever so thankful for a husband who is kind and supportive. He loves Mom and Dad like they were his own parents...and they love him dearly.
Soon it was time for dinner and Mom helped me finish it and put in the first pan of pumpkin spice cookies. We enjoyed dinner together and a visit before my family headed off to watch the Volleyball championships. Daddy headed to the apartment and she stayed to help clean the kitchen. She was so precious as she left..."Thank you for letting me help. You are such an amazing woman...so talented!" I told her I learned how to be a strong woman from her! She smiled and said, "I don't know about that"...but I do! God bless you today...be FULLY His for whatever He calls you to.
Christmas pictures and more 12/6/10
These past two weeks Mom has been walking more and more. We have a plan that works most days...we try to take turns and just walk along to be sure she is safe. She has a predictable route...not the safest...and not negotiable for her. One day we took off and I was not dressed completely...she caught me in the middle of exercising so off I headed with my arms crossed across the front. Thinking I could get her mercy and she would go back home with me, I mentioned the missing apparel and my desire to go home and "get dressed"...that day it was NO problem for her as she had packed her rolling suitcase and offered to "loan" me the missing item. I had a HUGE chuckle wondering which of my neighbors' yards I could duck into to change. Instead I refused and off we went...there I was on Main Street in Santa Fe...arms crossed, walking on. Besides being embarrassed, I realized I was frustrated as I like to swing my arms when I walk.
By the time we got back home(1 hour later) I was in a bad mood because she had taken off to cross the highway when it was not safe...as I grabbed her arm, she got very angry...I fussed at her as we walked on. Some days, she lets me walk along and I can talk and show her things...other days I am invading on her escape and she is MAD...those days are hard even though I know it is the illness not Mom. Yesterday was another hard walk...I currently hold the LONG distance award for walking with her and she keeps expanding it...I call it MY Alzheimer's Diet plan!!! It was a COLD day...I hoped that might make it a shorter walk but no she was upset and off we went. After 45 minutes, I called one of the sons to come and pick us up but when she saw who was in the car, she took off. I decided to just keep walking...finally she sat down in front of a friend's closed business...then she was frustrated that no one had come to get us!!! I quickly called Daddy to come. When we arrived back home, she would not leave the car and as soon as we did, she got out and headed off again. Fortunately Daddy talked to her sternly and she came back to their apartment.
It was a hard day as I had planned to take Christmas pictures and have her birthday dinner that night. I began to wonder if any of that would be possible?!? As it turned out, I had her come in and we played BEAUTY SHOP...I fixed her hair and the gals did her make-up...she loved the attention and couldn't believe who she saw in the mirror. We all got ready and were only 10 minutes late to meet all the others at the photo studio. Had a great time doing the pictures...amazing they can fit ALL 11 of us in one picture! Then off to dinner and Christmas Light gazing. She really does not like the dark so she was more than ready to be home. Off to bed and sweet dreams!
By the time we got back home(1 hour later) I was in a bad mood because she had taken off to cross the highway when it was not safe...as I grabbed her arm, she got very angry...I fussed at her as we walked on. Some days, she lets me walk along and I can talk and show her things...other days I am invading on her escape and she is MAD...those days are hard even though I know it is the illness not Mom. Yesterday was another hard walk...I currently hold the LONG distance award for walking with her and she keeps expanding it...I call it MY Alzheimer's Diet plan!!! It was a COLD day...I hoped that might make it a shorter walk but no she was upset and off we went. After 45 minutes, I called one of the sons to come and pick us up but when she saw who was in the car, she took off. I decided to just keep walking...finally she sat down in front of a friend's closed business...then she was frustrated that no one had come to get us!!! I quickly called Daddy to come. When we arrived back home, she would not leave the car and as soon as we did, she got out and headed off again. Fortunately Daddy talked to her sternly and she came back to their apartment.
It was a hard day as I had planned to take Christmas pictures and have her birthday dinner that night. I began to wonder if any of that would be possible?!? As it turned out, I had her come in and we played BEAUTY SHOP...I fixed her hair and the gals did her make-up...she loved the attention and couldn't believe who she saw in the mirror. We all got ready and were only 10 minutes late to meet all the others at the photo studio. Had a great time doing the pictures...amazing they can fit ALL 11 of us in one picture! Then off to dinner and Christmas Light gazing. She really does not like the dark so she was more than ready to be home. Off to bed and sweet dreams!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Life at Sonshine Acres
We've begun to find our schedule for this time of life. Our best day begins with Mom coming in early(6:30 or 7)to cook with me. We've had more yummy BIG breakfasts in the past two weeks than in years. I love the smells in the house when it gets cooking and really can't understand how the young people can sleep with their noses being assaulted with delicious smells.
Then if we can keep busy with school and housework, it seems to help Mom stay centered. She loves being busy and having something to do. Don't we all long to be useful in some way?
Today she ran errands with me...tire shop and store. Then we all had lunch out together. When we got home, we fixed hot tea and rocked in the swing with the breeze blowing. We visited about Oklahoma and our favorite memories of Fall time there. I'm always thankful for the Tallow Trees here...otherwise we'd have no chance to see leaves change colors! It was a precious time for us to share.
Then if we can keep busy with school and housework, it seems to help Mom stay centered. She loves being busy and having something to do. Don't we all long to be useful in some way?
Today she ran errands with me...tire shop and store. Then we all had lunch out together. When we got home, we fixed hot tea and rocked in the swing with the breeze blowing. We visited about Oklahoma and our favorite memories of Fall time there. I'm always thankful for the Tallow Trees here...otherwise we'd have no chance to see leaves change colors! It was a precious time for us to share.
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